Get Engaged? Before You Set the Date There’s One Thing You Need to Do

by Sally Matheny

Did you recently get engaged? Congratulations! Before you set the date, there’s one thing you may need to do.

Seek Premarital Counseling

Seek Christian counseling. This bit of advice may challenge your way of rethinking, but it’s worth considering, especially if it can strengthen or possibly save your marriage down the road.

Most Christian pastors require four to six premarital counseling sessions with the couple. It is common to see these sessions take place one or two months before the wedding. This is where I think a change needs to occur.

By that time, most of the wedding details are already set. Invitations are mailed, venues secured, food and flowers are ordered, and non-refundable deposits made.

How many brides do you think would suggest a longer engagement, to work out some relational issues, if all those wedding arrangements are already in motion?

Perhaps premarital counseling should begin before a wedding date is set.

Discuss difficult issues. Communicate personal convictions and goals. A caring pastor will guide you to think about things you may have never considered before.

Be Brave and Wise

If the counseling sessions cause you to question your readiness “for better or for worse, until death do you part”—then be brave and wait.

Perhaps you think you’ve waited long enough and believe there’s nothing love can’t solve. You say, “You can’t be prepared for everything. Sometimes you have to take life as it comes.”

There’s some truth to that. But consider this. The average couple is engaged for thirteen to eighteen months before they say “I do.” There are a zillion things to do when preparing for a wedding. So much time is invested in coordinating colors, locating the perfect venue, and securing the best wedding cake baker in town.

Shouldn’t godly counsel have as much, if not more, consideration than color swatches, when preparing for a life-changing event?

Shortly after the wedding, Satan will throw his first fastball at your marriage. Will what you’ve learned from watching all those Say Yes to the Dress shows be helpful then?

Will the wedding photographer, the florist, or the musicians be there for you during the challenging times in your marriage?

Most secular, wedding planning books. such as The Knot-Ultimate Wedding Planner, rarely mention premarital counseling, other than suggesting you ask if your officiant requires it.

If you do not have a pastor, you can call Focus on the Family (1-800-A-FAMILY) for a complimentary consultation with a counselor. They will also help you locate a Christian counselor in your area.

Resources for You

Some great books to consider reading are:

The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted By Gary Chapman / Moody Publishers

Preparing for Marriage: Discover God’s Plan for a Lifetime of Love By Edited by Dennis Rainey / Bethany House

Before You Say I Do®: A Marriage Preparation Guide for Couples By H. Norman Wright & Wes Roberts / Harvest House Publishers

Countdown for Couples: Preparing for the Adventure of Marriage By Dale Mathis, M.A. & Susan Mathis / Focus on the Family

Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married By Gary Chapman / Northfield Publishing

Keep It in Perspective

Preparing for a wedding is a joyful time–well, most of it. Cherish the moments as you plan with your future spouse, your parents, and your friends.

Your wedding should be wonderful! After all, your wedding lasts for one special day.

Make time to gain godly wisdom. Learn how to grow together in a strong, loving, Christ-centered relationship because you want to make your marriage last a lifetime.

You may also enjoy reading from this blog:

Wedding Day Security Checklist 

Communicate and Persevere