Pushing Children Out of Their Comfort Zones

Comfort Zones. We all love them. As adults, most of us have discovered the value of stretching beyond our self-imposed barriers. But, how comfortable are we with pushing our children out of their comfort zones? Maybe we need to ask ourselves a few questions.

Do We Want to Build Character?

When I was growing up, I don’t remember getting out of something my parents deemed important just because I was not “comfortable” with it.

For example, at age nine, stacking firewood in the heat of August was not an enjoyable event for me. I didn’t like the yellow jackets, the heat, or hard labor.

However, my daddy said it was “good for building character.” I was not given a say in the matter. When my father said, “Let’s go stack some wood,” I did it. I’m sure I suggested we wait for a cooler day and reminded him of the possibility of bee stings.

However, for this, as well as other occasions, my parents ultimately deemed it important to push me out of my comfort zone. There were elements I didn’t like. However, I enjoyed the company of my dad and my sister. We learned how to work together as a family toward a common goal—in this case it was the warmth of a fire in our home in the winter months.

My parents were not abusive slave-drivers. They were loving, wise, and preparing us for life.

Like mama-birds, are we encouraging and strengthening our kids to soar? Or, are we continually padding the nest with additional fluff?

I know it’s difficult. I like fluff, too.

Are We Striving for Continual Happiness?

Many parents today (me included), strive to give children a constant level of happiness. We want our kids to always be happy, right? We know this is an impossible task. Yet, we will do our best to make everything easy and pleasant for them.

Parents can get swept away by a torrent of emotions. We cave and give our children only that with which they are comfortable. But, is this truly in their best interest?

As much as I want my child to be happy, I decided to make a list of what I ultimately want for him. The concentration lies in the attributes I long for my child to acquire as he grows into an adult.

What Do I Want for My Child?

As he grows and matures, I want for my child to have:

The ability to stand firm in the faith decision he has made, and to continue following God with all his heart, mind, and soul.

Wisdom.

Courage to be a bold witness for Jesus Christ.

A thankful heart.

Good stewardship of God’s gifts

A strong work ethic.

Skills to live productively and independently.

A willingness to help and serve others.

A humble and loving heart towards others

The power of self-discipline.

Patience.

A desire to forgive and to pursue peace.

Courage to be strong in the midst of adversity, especially if it’s in obedience to God’s Word.

Whew! That’s some list! God will definitely have to be at work if anyone desires these traits in their kids. However, there are steps parents can take in guiding their children. Pushing children out of their comfort zones requires us
to pause before we speak and to think before we act.

Pause Before We Speak

The next time we are inclined to say:

“Stop whining, I’ll do it.”

“If she hurt your feelings, just don’t talk to her anymore.”

“You’re better than any of those people.”

“No, honey, you don’t have to visit Grandma. I know you don’t like the smell of that place.”

“You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable doing.”

“It’s okay if you don’t help with the community service project. Your plate is already full with your activities in the Young Socialites Club.”

“Go have fun—you’re only young once. Live it up.”

Maybe we should take a moment to ponder. Are we helping or hindering our children?

Think Before We Act

Before we step in to “help” our child, we need to consider:

If I immediately remove this annoyance or burden from my child, will it hinder him from developing courage to stand up for what is right? Or from learning forgiveness and ways to make amends?

If I allow him to make excuses to get out of things he doesn’t want to do, am I steering him to a path of laziness and irresponsibility?

If I buy him what he wants every time we go to the store, will it delay his ability to exhibit patience and self-control? Will he experience the delight of true thankfulness?

If I take on one of his duties, just because he deems it too difficult, am I road-blocking his success?

If I repeatedly tell him how much better of a student, an athlete, or a person he is than those around him, am I suppressing a sweet humbleness? Am I promoting a barrier to sincere friendships?

If I allow him to do only what he has a desire to do, am I shackling him to a lonely, self-centered life? Am I promoting an attitude of serving others or one of always requesting the service of others?

By not encouraging him to get out of his comfort zone, am I robbing him of growth and joy?

Do my own actions set an example of the godly person I want him to be?

Be brave. Be bold. Do hard things, especially if they’ll deepen your relationship with God. Good advice for kids—good advice for parents!

Let’s help one another. Share one way you’ve encouraged or “gently pushed” your children out of their comfort zones.