The Fears and Joys of Our Adoption Journey (Part 1/2)
Are you considering adoption? Perhaps you have a few concerns. I’d like to share with you a few of the fears and joys of our adoption journey. It’s understandable to experience some apprehension. Many uncertainties emerge when venturing into an unknown territory.
After a miscarriage, and later a hysterectomy, I struggled with an unending desire for another child. Our nine-year-old daughter first brought up adoption. In fact, she informed us she was taking the matter to the Lord in prayer. Never underestimate the prayers of children!
It’s easy to become overwhelmed with the adoption process. And it begins long before you ever begin paperwork with an agency. There are emotional, physical, and spiritual matters to tackle.
Our son was nine days old when we first met him. As soon as I entered the room, I saw a large, white wicker basket perched on a small sofa. Like a magnet, it pulled my heart in its direction. My husband said, “Wait. Let me get the camera.” I shook my head replying, “I have waited for years. I cannot wait a moment longer!”
Gently, I reached into the basket and scooped up the tiny miracle. Nuzzling his soft face next to mine, I inhaled his newborn freshness.
At that moment, an amazing peace and overwhelming love swaddled us together. Every previous concern and fear melted away.
What were our concerns? Several! But here are a few.
Fear: Who Are We to Adopt?
One of the first concerns we tackled was asking ourselves, “Who are we to adopt?”
Many couples pursuing adoption do not have any children. Because God had blessed us with two biological daughters, we wondered if it was wrong for us to seek another child?
After much prayer and research, we concluded there were some advantages to our situation.
The birthparents would know the child would be guaranteed the benefit of older siblings.
Instead of wondering how we would fare as parents, they’d be able to view our portfolio and see the evidence of our parenting skills already in action.
We knew if God’s plan was to enlarge our family through adoption, then He would do it. We felt a peace about beginning the adoption process.
Fear: What If the Child has Problems?
We wondered what life would be like if we adopted a child with physical or mental issues. It’s been said, “With adoption, you don’t know what you’re getting.”
Birthing your own children has no guarantees either. Every child is different. Some have issues from day one. Some develop them later in life. Adopted, biological . . . we all have issues!
That being said, adoption agencies acknowledge that some people are simply better equipped at handling some situations more than others. We were asked to complete a questionnaire at the adoption agency. They asked questions like, “Would you consider adopting a child with a physical handicap? Would you consider adopting a child with apparent learning delays?” Each question provided various examples. We were told not to answer lightly, but honestly, without feeling pressured or guilty.
Understanding people come with diverse backgrounds, capabilities, and environments; the agency desired to make as good of a match as possible.
Adopting requires taking a step of faith. As in all things, we must learn to trust God’s guidance in every situation.
Fear: Which Adoption Agency is Best for Us?
There are an estimated 3,000 adoption agencies in the United States. These are public and private agencies. Each has guidelines and restrictions. The larger ones have more children available for adoption, but also have a longer waiting list of adoptive parents. Some are faith-based agencies. Some are not. Fees vary greatly. Foster care adoptions are an additional avenue There’s a lot to research and consider! We found it helpful to ask several friends who had adopted, why they chose the agencies they did.
After reviewing several, we chose a small, Christian agency. While not perfect, we loved this agency and its Christian worldview.
Below is a small sample of Christian adoption agencies. You’ll find more agencies online.
Amazing Grace Adoptions
Generations Adoptions
Nightlight Christian Adoptions
How Long Must We Wait?
After we pushed through a mountain of paperwork and completed our home study, we settled in for the wait. I honestly thought we’d get a call within a few months!
Waiting is like riding a roller coaster. Two different times, our hopes escalated when we heard birthmothers were seriously looking at our portfolio. However, one chose to keep her baby and the other placed hers with a family member.
Our home study was valid for eighteen months. When it expired, my faith wavered. I thought adoption was the route God had wanted us to take. Could my own selfish desires have clouded my perspective?
However, the adoption agency reminded us that the eighteen months is a standard set by the world, not by God. They encouraged us to pray. After a period of praying, we renewed our home study.
What Should We Do While We Wait?
Thinking it best to stay busy while we waited for someone to choose our family for their baby, I worked part-time as an administrative assistant for a local church, volunteered in various places, and homeschooled our sweet girls. I prayed…a lot! And you know me—I kept a journal. Plus, the house got a little more cleaning than usual. You can get a great deal done when you’re anxiously waiting.
Two things I could not bring myself to do was decorating a nursery or buying anything for a baby. All of the previous concerns didn’t compare to the thought of preparing for a baby and then never receiving one.
Dear friend, God is there to help all of us when we face fears and uncertainties. He works during our periods of waiting, too. In fact, allowing us to wait may be part of His greatest work!
Hop over to read the next post: The Fears and Joys of Adoption (Part 2) I’ll tell you about our meeting the birth mother, more waiting, and the down-to-the-wire snag with the birth father. Plus, I’ll share what surprised me the most as well as some of the most joyful moments in our amazing adoption journey.
