A Legacy of Kind Words

I only have one photo of my maternal grandmother holding me. Because she passed away when I was a toddler, I do not remember her.

However, during my whole life numerous people have shared with me their memories of my grandmother.

The two comments I have heard the most are:

“She was my favorite teacher.”

 “I never heard her speak unkindly about anyone.”

Since childhood, that last comment has stuck with me. I remember thinking, Wow, years after I’m gone, I want people to say that I did not speak unkindly about anyone. I longed to continue a legacy of kind words.

The Legacy of My Grandmother’s Kind Words

Surely, my grandmother had taxing days teaching high school students English and French, directing the Speech and Debate Club, and guiding students on the Annual Staff. I wonder if she knew the powerful effect she had each time she chose to speak with patience and kindness.

I’ve heard she was a happy person and loved to laugh. Still, there must’ve been challenging people in her neighborhood, in her church, and in her circle of friends and family. Perhaps, each time she chose to hold her tongue from criticizing, each time she chose not to engage in gossip, she was thinking of the verse: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4:6 ESV).

Maybe she meditated on Ephesians 4:29,

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

My grandmother was human; therefore, she was not perfect. There may have been moments when she felt the need to apologize. I think she must’ve influenced her daughter–my mother, in that way.

The Legacy of My Mother’s Kind Words

My mother taught me many biblical truths. She taught me early in life not to let the sun set on my anger. She encouraged me to be the first one to apologize for my part in a disagreement, even if someone else started it. Even if a friend had wronged me and I thought I was innocent of all wrongdoing, she urged me to make the first step to reach out and try to reconcile our differences.

And, my mom not only spoke this wisdom, but she also lived by it. She continues to model gentleness and kindness today. Her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren witness this overflow from her authentic faith and obedience to her Lord and Savior.

Kind Words Require God’s Help

God knows the difficulty we sinners have with self-control, especially with our speech. That’s why He gave us over sixty-five verses in the Bible about controlling the tongue!

Too often, in my teen years, I tended to speak my thoughts before thinking them through. My rash, emotional reactions rarely went well.

Eventually, I began praying a prayer based on Psalm 141: Lord, put a guard over my mouth; that I may not sin against You. I tell you the truth, this has to be one of the prayers I have prayed most often in my life!   

During a stressful situation, our emotions can press us like a hot iron. Taking time to step back and pray for God’s help before responding will prevent our words from scorching our testimonies as Bible-believing Christians.

Questions to Ask Ourselves Before Speaking

I’m not suggesting we suppress everything inside. That’s not healthy. But rather, to weigh our choice of words carefully in our minds first, instead of spewing them out in the heat of the moment.

Here are some questions to ask ourselves before we say something negative:

1. Are the words I want to say coming from an emotional reaction (such as hurt, jealousy, or anger)?
2. Is what I have to say gossip? Why do I feel like I have to share it?
3. Am I trying to rally people to my side by talking badly about others?
4. Am I blaming or tearing others down in order to make myself look better? Is there any selfish ambition in what I want to say?
5. If my words are true and necessary, are they helpful, humble, and full of grace?
6. Have I prayed about the situation, first?
7. Have I talked with an objective, Bible-believing friend who can give godly counsel, pray with me, and hold me accountable to God’s Word in how I respond to the situation?
8. Is there something I could have handled better? Regardless of what someone else did, is an apology in order for something I did or said?
9. Am I willing to turn the situation over to God and wait to see how He works before I speak my mind?

I appreciate the people in my life who have modeled the fruit of the Spirit and spoken with kindness. I’m praying God will help me to continue that legacy for His glory.

Our tone, timing, and choice of words make a difference to this generation and possibly for generations to come.

I’d love to hear if someone has influenced your life with kind words. Was it a family member, friend, or teacher?

As a freelance writer, Sally Matheny’s writing is published in worldwide, national, regional, online and print publications including Appleseeds, Clubhouse Jr., Homeschooling Today, and The Old Schoolhouse.

As a blogger and speaker, Sally encourages parents to live victorious and to courageously tell the next generation wondrous things using the power of story, history, and His Story. Connect with her on several social media sites, but her favorite hangouts are at SallyMatheny.com and Pinterest.

Sally and her husband live in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains and are blessed with three children, two sons-in-law, and armfuls of grandbabies.