Teens + Joy = PARENTING BEYOND THE RULES (Book Review)
By Sally Matheny
You read that correctly—Teens + Joy = Parenting Beyond the Rules. Those words right there make you want to read the book review, right?
Do you believe it’s possible to parent teens with joy? It sounds contrary to what the world tells us.
Nonetheless, the full title of this 221-page, softcover book is Parenting Beyond the Rules: Raising Teens with Confidence and Joy.
Let’s check it out.
The Author
I could mention that Connie Albers has served as a spokesperson for Fortune 500 companies and as a senior strategist for a successful U.S. Congressional campaign. I could mention all the other important jobs she’s done.
But the most important thing for you to know, is that she is a Christian mom of five.
“By far, my proudest achievement, however, is that my husband Tom and I have overcome many challenges of life and 21 years of homeschooling to successfully raise five children who love the Lord and excel in their collegiate studies and professions.”
Connie Albers
Yet, Connie admits to years of trials, errors, forgiveness, and fresh starts.
Connie’s own teen years encompassed serious, family communication issues and the pain of her parents’ divorce. She determined she’d do things differently and she gives God the glory for helping her break a “generational curse.”
This book birthed out of the realization that many moms, who want to parent differently, don’t know where to begin because of their lack of experience.
Also, there are women who did have loving and supportive parents growing up, but still struggle communicating effectively with their teens.
Therefore, Connie set out to share helpful narratives and provide practical steps every mom can implement to raise teens with confidence and joy.
The Content
The titles of the twelve chapters are:
When the Dream Changes
The Foundation of Relationships
Equipped to Love
The Family Team
Planting Possibilities
Understand Their World
Listen Up
Monitor Your Mouth
Tackle Tough Topics
Squash Your Fear
Stay Engaged
Uniquely Created
Celebrate the Teen Years
Each chapter ends with four to six questions for the reader to ponder and apply what has been read.
This is not a parenting book that covers every possible scenario with teens.
There’s one chapter, “Tackle Tough Topics,” which briefly touches on: sexual integrity, gender-related conversations, drugs and alcohol, vaping and smoking, terrorism, school violence, changing culture, mishaps and mistakes. All of this is contained within twenty-two pages! I say this to make the point that these type of things are addressed but are not the primary focus of the book.
Parenting Beyond the Rules encourages and equips parents to concentrate on the hearts of their teens. It offers suggestions on how to intentionally build strong relationships.
“In Parenting Beyond the Rules, you’ll discover how to raise a teen according to his or her strengths, talents, and personality type, as these things equip teens to manage life.”
Connie Albers, Parenting by the Rules
My Favorite Chapter
My favorite chapter was “Listen Up.” You can tell God has been speaking to my heart by all the passages I’ve circled and starred.
I nodded with identification when Connie said she knew the importance of listening but she had to learn how to listen. She wrote,
“I know how hard it is to be quiet; I’m a talker and a fixer. Tell me the problem, and I’ll give you a step-by-step plan to work it out…”
and
“…Often, teens feel like they are being talked at, not talked to. When you pause to hear your teen’s thoughts, you communicate their worth.”
and
“…they either talked too slowly or I would interrupt them. As the years passed, I realized my struggle to listen emerged from my fear of them messing up.”
Connie Albers
Are you nodding with me?
Better listening skills not only helps in everyday communication with our teens but it also sets a good foundation for resolving future disagreements.
Connie goes into depth about how to listen to resolve conflict. She encourages parents not to wait on teens but to be the first to pursue reconciliation. The techniques for better listening and reconciliation not only help parents with teens, but our teens can use them with their friends.
While this is not a Bible study book, the content is written with a Christian worldview and there are scripture references scattered throughout the book.
How I’m Using This Book
I’m the proud mom of three, wonderful kids. Two are grown and we have one teen at home. He’s a sweet fella and generally on the quiet side. It’s always been challenging to draw him into a deep conversation. I know it’s not his temperament to be chatty, but I’d love to know more of what he’s thinking, of what’s going on in his heart.
Connie’s chapter on listening gave me several things to ponder.
I was forced to consider if I multitask when he does talk. Do I fully listen to what he says—even if it is about something I consider trivial—like reaching a new level in an electronic game?
Now, I’m trying to be more intentional. If he comes to tell me his accomplishment, no matter what it is, I take a moment to listen, make eye contact, and celebrate with him. The subject may seem trivial, but the act of sharing a conversation is not!
The author does clarify by saying that we don’t have to drop everything every time our teens need to tell us something. But to keep in mind, within reason, our availability strengthens those relationships.
While I’m on a roll of confessing my parenting downfalls, I also winced when Connie mentioned correcting teens in the middle of their stories.
Ouch. It’s not so much grammatical corrections as it is interrupting with something I think is wise and helpful. Great motive. Bad timing!
This book reminds me that while I am training my child to become a responsible, hard-working citizen there is something even more important. I’m to guide his heart to godly living.
However, I need to continually seek God’s guidance for the best way, and the best time, to do that. I must keep my teen’s heart by continually building and preserving a good relationship with him. In my case, that means I need to engage better listening skills.
No matter how many kids we have, each one will communicate and respond differently. It’s important to pay attention to their strengths and talents, and learn to appreciate their unique personalities.
The Recommendation
I highly recommend this book for parents of tweens and teens. It is a great book especially for those who are new to Christian parenting. It’s also offers reminders for those who long to communicate more effectively with their teens and who desire more peace and joy in the process.
You can learn more about Connie Albers and her book by connecting with her at her website: conniealbers.com and on her facebook page.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher in return for an honest review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.
