When You Want to Quit Fighting Spiritual Battles

What do you do when you want to quit fighting spiritual battles?

Spiritual battles come in all forms and degrees of intensity. Imperfect people living in a fallen world provide a perfect environment for dissatisfaction and sin to fester. Regardless of the reason, sometimes we grow weary and want to quit.

Have you ever wanted to quit going to church?

Raised in a Christian home, I’ve been going to church my whole life. But there was a time, when I was determined I wasn’t ever going back.

When the Pastor’s Wife Quit Going to Church

Technically, I wasn’t a pastor’s wife when I quit going to church. When I was in college, I stopped dating a guy because he was a ministerial student. I distinctly told him, “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like I’m being called to be a pastor’s wife.”

After college, I didn’t marry a pastor. I married an accountant. Then, shortly after we celebrated our fifteenth anniversary, he was called into the ministry!

God does have a sense of humor.

The Root of the Battle

Years before my husband became a pastor, we attended church regularly. All was well until our pastor wanted to try something different during the Wednesday night worship service. I blamed this change-up as the root of my problem. It would take a while before I realized where the problem was truly rooted.

That Wednesday evening, the pastor talked for a few minutes then asked the congregation to get into groups of four and pray. Each person was to pray out loud in their group for certain prayer requests.

I was terrified and stammered through a short prayer when my turn came.

The second week, when the pastor asked the groups to huddle together, I discreetly made an exit to the restroom, then feigned a desire not to interrupt the prayer service and hung out in the church office.

The third week, I contrived a reason to go check on my kids in the nursery.

Each time, the root of resentment grew within me.

By the fourth week, I’d run out of excuses. I stayed in the sanctuary and joined the small prayer group. The whole time someone else was praying, I was thinking what I could possibly say that would sound holy, and not stupid.

I Quit

By the time we got home that night, I was furious.

Who does the preacher think he is? Why doesn’t he just preach like he is supposed to?

No one should be put in the position of having to pray out loud like that.

The ability to pray out loud does not determine what kind of Christian I am—I pray all the time—silently.

My bewildered husband just nodded. He has never been a timid speaker and loves interacting with people. His upbringing in a large, vocal church provided lots of social interaction among the members.

I, on the other hand, was brought up in a small, quiet church. The only “public” praying I heard in church came from the preacher and the Sunday School teacher.

I didn’t like this change. My husband tried to console and encourage me, but I didn’t listen. My mind was made up.

I announced to my husband I would not be going back to church on Wednesday nights. If they were going to pray, I would pray at home.

Know When to Be Still in the Spiritual Battle

After my family went to bed that night, I was still upset. For hours, I paced and prayed in the den. I told God everything I had told my husband. I was offended, distraught, and conflicted.

Finally, I stopped rattling on about my discomforts long enough to sense the Holy Spirit trying to quiet my soul.

Long before Rev. Rick Warren penned his famous line in The Purpose Filled Life, I sensed the Holy Spirit saying,

It’s not about you.

What?

It’s not about you.

If you’ve ever been slammed with a truck load of truth, you know what I felt at that moment.

I began to weep. All the resentment, the fears, and whatever other baggage Satan had told me to carry—all flowed out in repentant tears.

Exhausted after weeks of spiritual battle, I finally had peace.

Emotionally, I had “quit church” for a month, and quite possibly, even longer. Physically, I quit for a whopping twenty-four hours before realizing it wasn’t about attending church. It was about being the church.

I realized prayer wasn’t about what I said for the sake of others to hear. It was about humbly coming before the throne of God.

God wanted to hear my heart, but He also wanted me to be still and know Him. In order to know Him, I needed to press forward and grow closer to Him.

Don’t Quit–Press Forward in Spiritual Battles

Even though I was still nervous about praying out loud, I received a sense of peace and a new mindset. I was going to worship my Lord and Savior. My trust would not be in my abilities, but in His.

Out of love for my “neighbors,” I would attend prayer meetings and sincerely lift them up in prayer and not focus on myself, my inadequacies, my fears.

I would not allow my discomfort or frustrations to cause me to quit. This was not simply about an option or a preference. It was a spiritual battle. I planned to press forward even if I fell down and had to crawl.

Learn and Grow through Spiritual Battles

Thankfully, God provided opportunities for me to learn and grow.

Not long after this time of spiritual pruning, God brought in my path a spiritually mature, older woman. She began a women’s Bible study in our church. I greatly admired her wisdom and grace.

When she prayed it was like she was just having a conversation with God. She simply shared what was on her heart.  

Then, one day when she was praying out loud in a large group, she got tongue-tied. After stammering around for a moment, she just laughed out loud in the middle of the prayer and said, “God, you know what I’m trying to say,” and continued to pray.

That transparent, sincere moment seared forever in my mind.

God’s Will, Not Mine

Since then, when facing challenges outside of my comfort zone, I’ve learned to pray for God’s will, not my own. I turn to God’s Word for wisdom and encouragement. Humbly, I ask for others to pray for me.

Initially, I still get a little apprehensive, but each time I learn to trust Him more and more.

I stand amazed at God’s love and power. The battles we face are difficult. But if we submit our weaknesses to Him, then we experience His love and power in more incredulous ways than we imagined! We have to let go, take that first step of faith, and trust God.

Have you been in a spiritual battle and wanted to quit? What helped you through it?